| don't ever leave me alone. |
[Mar. 7th, 2008|01:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the beatles - oh! darling | ] |
i'm constantly split in half:
i know what i want, i have what i want. i'm happy. content.
i'm annoyed, frustrated, and turned off. i need time to myself.
relationships are confusing. when you mix a long distance relationship in with AFO, working, paying bills, and trying to keep yourself sane, it's so hard. i'm not saying it's not worth it... it's just a lot of work. and sometimes i question it. lately, i've been questioning it a lot.
when i left focused inquiry today, i was greeted by a cold rain. my bike seat was covered in water and i was freezing. there were 3 or 4 people standing in the middle of shafer court with signs that read things like, "god hates homosexuals" and "repent to the lord", and other crap like that. there was a guy there with a megaphone, having an argument across the court with some guy, about sodomizing, haha. at first, i was really pissed off that these ignorant people are screaming that "god created aids as a punishment for gays"... but i took a closer look at them, and i'm fairly certain that they were acting. like, maybe it was the theatre department or something trying to get a rise out of people walking by. the guy with the megaphone, for instance, was wearing 19th century attire: a wool cap, vest, khaki pants... and when i hopped on my bike and started to leave, i heard him yell at someone "and i bet you listen to gangster rap!" haha. that was just too ridiculous for even the most evangelical of southern baptists to say. still, it made me laugh.
so spring break officially starts today... and it's raining. sucks, because the past 4 days have been sunny and beautiful. i hope this isn't a foreshadowing of what break is going to be like. it's already going to kinda suck, because i have 4+ projects to work on for AFO. i don't mind too much, though.. hopefully i can use this time to actually enjoy my projects, rather than freaking out and trying to finish them four hours before class.
i have work today at 4:30 until 12:00AM. i'll either get out a bit earlier or later than that, i guess it just depends on how many people will be there. i'm really hoping to make some money... especially since that $12 has slowly dwindled to about $5 since wednesday night. sigh. money... i hate it.
i need to shower soon and straighten my hair... it's going to take forever. aghhh.
i'm so frustrated and confused. i want to run and apologize, but i feel like i do that too much. i just keep doing the same things, over and over again. and i feel like i can't even control them. they just happen. maybe it means something, and that's why i'm getting worried. whatever. i'm just... going to try not to care. or something. |
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